Mums, we need to change our mindset.
Like so many women with children, we go round in circles with knowing what the right thing is to do. Do we work, do we not work? Torn between returning to our previous career or working for ourselves?
I understand I have been there.
So many of us have ideas or dreams but always put them on the bank burner. Too scared to make the leap but also life just gets in the way. But I have found there are common themes we mums carry, and I carried all of them.
Maybe, you actually love your corporate job but it just doesn't fit with your family lifestyle.
Maybe, extreme imposter syndrome has kicked in when returning back to work after having kids
The cripplingly expensive childcare often prevents women from taking the necessary risks to embark on new business ventures.
As mums, our priorities and dreams have changed.
But it's 2021 and after the year of the pandemic how we "work" has changed. Zoom is the norm, kids in the background are the norm, and working set 9-5 hours is the thing of the past.
If there was ever a time to start a side hustle, make a passion your business, or go up the career ladder - Mums this is the best time.
But why are we not going for it? Here are the mindset blocks that I find we all have in one shape or form. Do you recognise any of these?
Mums and our guilt
For me, I just seem to carry guilt around with me all the time. I feel guilty about the kids, I feel guilty about my work colleagues, about my husband, my family, I literally feel guilty about feeling guilty. Now, I had to accept I'm not a super mother (which was very painful as a perfectionist) for me to start doing what I love and putting me first.
It's not something you can get over easily but I believe if you involve people this makes the guilt less heavy. I constantly involve Evie in what I do, as much as practical. I tell her about my day, who I coach, and tell her what is going on and why I do what I do. This way she understands that I'm not absent just because I don't want to be with her, but because I'm doing something very important. Evie also helps me with creating our vision board as a family and in the mornings with my affirmations.
As a mother, you always have to find a balance between enough time with your kids and enough time processing your ideas and putting your plans into action. "It takes a village to raise a child".
My idea is silly
Have you had an idea, but just brushed it off and talked yourself out of pursuing it? There are a number of reasons but mainly it is a lack of self-belief. Surround yourself with supporting friends and family. Test the idea, because sure it might not be perfect but no idea is a silly idea.
"Ideas are responsible for the progression and prosperity of humans – without them, we would still be living in prehistoric times. No idea is too small, and all sorts of ideas have the potential to change the world as we know it for the better." Richard Brandson
I should just concentrate on being a Mum
Just because you are a mum that doesn't mean you can't be you. Don't feel guilty for wanting more and if having a career is in your DNA don't fight it. Remember you are a role model for your children. By not creating the career and life of your dreams what are you teaching your children?
"If their mother puts everyone else first and never spends time on her own ideas it teaches her kids that that's a woman's place. If we want to raise strong and confident daughters and sons who respect women with ideas and ambition we have to be the first role models. Spending time for yourself doesn't make you a worse mother!" Miisa
My partner's career comes first
There's nothing wrong with supporting your partner's career, supporting my business launch his own business was the catalyst for me to want to become a coach. But nobody should do it on the expense of their happiness and wellbeing. I don't believe you can be fully happy and devoted partner unless you pursue also your own interests and dreams. You must be ready to have a frank discussion with your spouse about sharing responsibilities even if your goals don't bring in money. Start by defining what success means to both of you and if it includes other values than money, then it may be easier to explain why you need to spend time on your project even if it doesn't bring in money immediately.
What if I fail
Oh, the fear of failure is the worst and I know it. It's so much easier to take the easier option, to not put yourself out there and be vulnerable. But then we can say that about most things in life that give us the greatest joy. Like falling in love. But hey, you shouldn't be afraid. Because if you don't have the support right now, you will. That's why I am here as a mentor. By sharing your ideas with each other I can support and make sure your ideas come to life. It means you have someone to drive you and make you accountable. It's time to get clear what you want out of life, learn to protect your time, and start taking small steps towards those precious dreams. And remember, the world will be so much better for it if you do! Are you finding you have mindset blocks? Or do you think there are some that I have missed?